You know when you share your house with someone there is going to be times when they react in a less than favourable way to your behaviour or possessions. I generally respond – a detached response that nearly always helps clear the air and bring about understanding. I am lucky to share my home with two other people who generally do the same. Sometimes I react – an ego fuelled hurt, anger or jealous energy runs through my body and I feel the desire to act takes on some importance. If I don’t catch myself, I can spray some pretty nasty vibes all over. Sometimes one of my living companions reacts to me – instead of responding, they ‘bite’ back at me, which can sometimes trigger a reaction in me, creating an energy priorty, which, unless someone chooses to change their reaction to response, will continue in an unhelpful way.
I always welcome reactions, both as the reactor and the reactor/responder to the reactor. Reaction tells me there is a problem – or as I like to call them energy priority. I make reaction a priority because it tells me there is something I haven’t acknowledged. Every time there is a reaction instead of a response, it is because there is something that hasn’t been spoken about that needs to be aired.
This is why I don’t avoid reactions. That would be like avoiding the bad smell coming from the fridge, only to discover 7 years later that your marriage is dead in a Tupperware container behind the celery. If you avoid speaking, acting or being your truth in order to avoid opening the Tupperware container, you are only adding to the putrefied gunk already in the container. Better to take the container out give it a wash and move on. It may be a little bit unpleasant at first, but far healthier in the long run.
I have found one of the greatest dangers in avoiding pushing others buttons is that the buttons don’t go away and you’re going to have to keep avoiding the pushing if you want to maintain the harmony. If you want to live an honest, authentic life, this is not recommended. It’s hard to be yourself fully, when you are tiptoeing around trying to remember what to do and not do. The other thing is this rarely stays confined to one area and soon seeps into other situations where you find yourself tiptoeing around.
This was one of the greatest blessings of my first marriage. I learnt not to tiptoe around, to welcome reactions and find out if the other person could deal with them consciously. This was one of the lessons I have chosen to learn the ‘hard’ way.
These days I’m tiptoeing in a different way. Step lightly with your fellow travellers – push a few buttons, allow a few pushes and be open and honest about who you are.
Step Lightly 