I am the only person who will ever have the opportunity to fully know me. I might share my life with others, but everyone eventually will leave me. I pay careful attention to my relationship with me. I nurture it so that it supports me, nurtures me and loves me.
I sit back and listen to what I’m telling myself. My head used to be full of overwhelming noise and non-loving, non-supportive abuse. It also spent an inordinate amount of time on other people – what they did, what they thought, what they thought of me, what they would think of me…
A key factor that changed the way I thought was that I redirected myself to focus on me rather than others. This changed a whole dynamic as I began to get to know what I thought of what I did, what I thought, what I believed and how I behaved. I began to understand myself, my motivations and my preferences.
Finally I had some idea what I wanted, what drove me, what held me back and what was important to me. It is exciting to know that I still uncover things today. There are still surprises in getting to know me.
I also demanded a certain level of ‘talk’ from myself. If my mind was going to chatter, it was not going to incessantly attack me. There seemed to be enough people around doing that already. I wouldn’t let someone come into my home and talk to me like that. I decided I should stop doing it to myself. I began to practise purposefully speaking to myself lovingly. I started out by pretending I was my mother and I gave myself encouragement and acceptance. I gave myself empathy and understanding. I reassured myself. I soothed myself. By doing this purposefully for a period of time, gradually I found myself doing this when I wasn’t concentrating on doing it. If I caught myself putting myself down, I would turn the comment around. These days it is rare for an unsupportive thought to slip out, so when one does, I sit up and listen. I ask myself where it is coming from and work to love and accept myself. I feel safer to divulge and reveal all about myself to a loving me.
These two factors in my relationship with myself had a large influence on the loving relationship that is today. There were other things that also helped, but caring enough to focus on me and speak to me with respect certainly formed the basis of the greatest love affair of my life.
Step lightly– get to know yourself, treat yourself with respect and come to love yourself.
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