I used to think I was loving without conditions. When I became a parent it was some automatic granting that I would love my child unconditionally. I have learnt that what I thought was ‘without conditions’ actually had some pretty heavy conditions attached that I was blind to. I was blind to them because I was surrounded by them everywhere. The conditions were based on judgments – the deeming of good and bad, right and wrong.
It was not until I experienced the magic of unconditional love with no judgment, full acceptance and allowing, that I realised how precious it was and how far removed my attempts at loving were.
Judgments hamper and hold in many different ways. They prevent us from loving fully. What I thought was unconditional love was more enduring love – love that would last through time and events. When I discovered real unconditional love I realised this meant that I would love them, not be annoyed by them, not be frustrated by them, not want them to change their mind, not want them to make a particular choice, not want them to defer to me, not want them to lie to me, not want them to keep things from me. It meant I would not lie to them, frighten them, intimidate them, falsely praise them, or hide myself from them. I would just love them.
Basically I had to drop any desire to have preferences for them. As I became clear in my intentions, my actions have followed along.
This sounds a little cold, but in fact it is liberating and empowering for everyone. For instance, when things don’t go so well for one of them, I am able to detach and not wish they went any other way. I sometimes think back to things in my life that haven’t looked so rosy at the time, which I now appreciate for their wonderful contribution to my development. I know my child is safe and strong and things will evolve just the way they manage them. I don’t have to worry or hope. I just love them. Loving them through those difficult moments means remembering that they are capable, growing, safe and strong. It means recognising their beauty when they are not feeling it or showing it. It means honouring their power, their ability to choose and their ability to manage.
In loving others unconditionally, I have developed my ability to love myself deeper and feel my connection to others more deeply.
Of course, I don’t manage this every single moment, but it’s becoming more consistent. Knowing what it is, what it feels like, helps keep it within my grasp.
Step lightly – discover the power of unconditional love.
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